Fresh out of high school I got a job at Poulan Chain saw on Greenwood Road. I had my own car, a baby blue Chevy, custom paint job, engine bored and stroked, four barrel Holly carburetor.

Worked in the warehouse and shipping department and for an eighteen year old kid, doing well. Shortly after being hired, my boss (Jack) got his stepson hired (Jackie). Jackie looked like Alfred E. Newman without the freckles. Ladies in the office just loved him despite I was the owner of the Chevy. They would give his little round head a hug. Did not seem right to me but Jackie fit in and could afford top of the line Levi’s and have the cleaners starch and iron with creases. With a cocky walk, starched jeans and an Alfred E. Newman head, he was all it!

Well he was the boss’ stepson, so get over it. Then one day the truth came out. We had an abundance of rather large lizards. They were green and had white stripes the length of their body. The males grew to be about eight inches long and they were fast as lighting. We called them racing lizards.

The only way you could catch one was if he fell into a box or something similar. Well, one day we were unpacking supplies and lunch came. We returned to finish unpacking and a racing lizard had fallen into Jackie’s box. Jackie stuck his arm in the box and the lizard thought it was an escape ladder. That’s when we found out Jackie was terrified of lizards. Thought we would never get him calmed down.

Talked to some of the guys and studied plan “A”… to show compassion and kindness and help him with his problem; or do what six morons equipped with a total number of brain cells that would not fill the brain cavity of a field mouse would do, and devise a plan “B”… to terrorize.

Plan “B” went into effect; first catch a racing lizard, and we did… a nice male about eight inches, at least twenty toes and an unknown number of suction cups per toe. We named him Indy 500. Plan “B” was to tie a string around Indy’s neck and tack him to Jackie’s workstation so when he came to work the next day, the lizard would keep Jackie from his work location.

Next morning Indy 500 was in place and Jackie clocked in. The boss meets him and walks him to his workstation. Plan “B” is in trouble. I look for Indy and I see the tack and string but no Indy. The string is too long and Indy is behind Jackie’s workbench taking a nap. Jackie sees the string and knows the rules are to leave a clean workstation.

Tries to pull the string before the boss sees it and Indy wakes and clamps down… all suction cups reset. Plan “B” is in big trouble. Jackie’s getting real nervous and gives the string a big yank! Tack comes out! Indy becomes air borne. Before I take this any further let me explain, air borne racing lizards do not fold up…they spread out! A large male racing lizard air borne in a spread condition is as big as a pie plate. Jackie’s face is the landing area. All suction cups clamp down and Jackie screams, and his only retreat is thru Jack. All three fall out in the aisle…Jackie gets to his feet and Indy is running over the top of his head as Jackie runs down the driveway and Indy rides him all the way to his car before jumping off.

Jack gets up… brushes off… looks at us, and says, “ I’m going to get a cup of coffee and decide who to fire. The day passes and no Jack or Jackie. I go home and look for jobs in the classified, and with my education, I find one job cooking at the Waffle House, two dish washing jobs, a job in Alaska cleaning fish and a job at Willis Knighton giving enemas to patents prior to colon operations. Plan “B” is in the pits. Next morning Jack calls a meeting and he gives Jackie the rest of the week off, and if we pull another stunt like that, we’ll be gone! We survived!

Jackie, if you happen to see this, I am sorry… plan “B” was my idea. But if you had seen your heels hitting your gimpy ass, in your starched Levi’s running down the driveway with that lizard on your head, you might forgive me.

Buck