This year, while hurriedly speeding by, has been one of the best and yet worst that I can remember. While there have been many good things that have happened, the bad seems to constantly push the envelope in regards to keeping the scale leaning in that direction. While the hope of financial blessing from the HS still looms strongly in the background, it no longer has the hold on my life that it once held. I wouldnt be completely honest if I said it didnt matter at all, but I can say that we will continue to be just fine as long as we keep our sights set on Him.

There have been many occassions during the day to day life of this site, through things posted by its members , that have caused me to step back and take stock of what life really means to me or whats important , when its all said and done. If I stopped posting tomorrow and never read another word from these pages, I can truely say that this has been a grand experience. Many times I have second guessed or even regretted things that have happened that I was either a part of or just sat by and watched happen. But we cant live in the past. We should strive to make amends wherever possible, IMO, but we cant let it dictate what tomorrow brings us. If we do, we miss out on so much. Anger has no real benefit. It usually just causes us to lash out and hurt someone else too.

While I am not the same man I was back in March of '08, I do not shun any responsibility for any hurt feelings I may have caused, known or unknown. Nor am I saying that I wont ever smack someone if I get my feathers in a ruffle. It is still ME, after all, people. Miracles still happen but whats happened to me is not one of them. I am saying however, that I will view things in a different light. I dont have much choice in the matter. Whatever "we" decide to do, "we" will account for in the end. And thats the jest of why I decided to try and write down my feelings and the reasons behind them. I have struggled with this for some time. Waiting for the right time, so to speak. That time may not come, so here goes.........................................

Some time back in early February , Cannie , my friend to the north , introduced me to someone that has had an utterly profound impact on my life. Her name is Lauren Ashley Shirley and she will forever be my Hero. Her life became an inspiration to me because of her zest for life and unwillingness to simply quit. She unwittingly became my personal trainer during a weight loss contest at work and helped me overcome nearly insurmountable odds to win the contest. She continues to inspire as I havent stopped working, even tho the contest is long over. She has forced me to look deep into my heart and soul , caused me to quit making excuses for things that I simply didnt feel like doing in the past. A "total home makeover" of sorts, inside and out edition. I will forever be in the debt of someone that I never met nor knew that I even existed, because she is gone.

Lauren passed from this life March 15th at the age of 18 years old. Being diagnosed with Wilms disease, a pediatric kidney disorder, at the age of 13 months old, she spent much of her life fighting this sickness, just wanting to live. God had other plans tho. And as Romans 11:33-34 states, who are we to question or counsel God ? But we do. Its human nature. I didnt say it was smart, just a realistic aspect of what exudes from our finite minds.

I hope and pray that Lauren is able to see some of the fruits of her labors from above and how she helped in making me a better person. If not, I will just have to let my life light shine in honor of the example she left me. I will not be able to take this life or the usually mundane aspects of it for granted any longer. While this life is but a fleeting moment in comparison to an eternity, it is beautiful and should be treated with the utmost respect.

Lauren turned 18 on December 9, 2008. 18 to Life. That encapsulates about 33 days for me. I knew this kid for about a little more then a month before she passed away. Yet she left a footprint on my life the size of King Kongs size 800 EEEEEE's. What kind of legacy am I leaving behind ? I know it will be drastically different then it was before I met my personal trainer extraordinaire. Will I be able to make a difference for someone else ? I certainly hope so. How about you ? What will your legacy be ?

I have a beautiful wife, whom I love with all my heart and who loves me in return.(She says she loves me, anyway). We have everything that we "need". I have a wonderful , God fearing family, (thats been through our share of grief as well) and I know the Master of the wind. I even love my job! What more could anyone want or need ? I am blessed beyond measure and will spend the rest of my life trying never to forget that. I have to tap-out for now, I have a legacy thats got plenty of work that needs doing to it and times a wastein'.

God Bless and have a great one!
Snake