Silly Cliche's You Learned From the Cradle

OK Shalers,
Those of you that know me know that I can only take so much bad news and Shale in-fighting. It is once more time to "lighten" things with something really silly and inane. What could be any sillier than the cliche's we Southerners learned as children. You non-Southerners (you know who you are) should get a kick out of these. I'll start the list and you all can join in. Let's see how many we can come up with.
1. Tighter than Dick's hatband.
2. Drunk as Cooter Brown.
3. Cuter than a speckled pup.
4. Ugly as home made sin.

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Talk about cliches! -- check out some of the titles/main punch lines of some country music songs. Three that come to mind are:

". . . All my ex's live in Texas an' that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee . . . "

". . . An' don't come home-a-drinkin' with lovin' on your mind. . . "

". . . She's out thar-a-doin' what I'm here at home doin' without. . . "

(And, I PROMISE you, this last one IS the title of a REAL country song!)
Oh, and just one more:

". . . Now don't that take the rag off'n the bush. . . :

(P.S.- You gotta be a country boy/girl to get that one! Clue-no indoor plumbing.)
"The Worst You Ever Gave Me Is The Best I Ever Had". Feron Young.
Two bumper stickers
Ass-Gas-or Grass You don't ride for free

Pass on Brother
Hell ain't half full yet
"So blame it on your lying, cheating, cold, dead beating, two-timing, double dealing, mean, mistreating, loving heart"

Ah, to hear Patti sing that is pure satisfaction. And...I wonder if the intended ear got the message?
We wee so poor, had to ride double on a stick horse
"Son, money doesn't grow on trees"
Cathaus - Thank you for starting this! We all need a laugh these days. Here's some of my favorites:

Goofier than a wooden watch
Hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell
Colder than a whore’s heart
Black as the ace of spades
If wishes were horses then beggars would ride
Dumber than six boxes of dirt
There ain't no cure for stupid (or lazy)
I'm gonna whip your behind on less ground than it takes to bury you!
I'm gonna slap you naked and hide your clothes!

My all time favorite – it’s best delivered with a bit of country twang:
If you lay down with daawwgs you get fleas.
Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.
Easy as putting socks on a rooster.
As useful as a lead balloon.
Madder than a wet hen.
Make like a tree and leave.
Make like a cow paddy and hit the trail.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere.
Whatever tickles your fancy.
I'm in the short rows now.
If a frog had wings he would't bust his ass every time the jumps.
Wish in one hand and $#!+ i in the other and see which one fills up first.
She's finer than a frog hair split 4 ways.
Miss, this ain't my first rodeo.


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